Wait

I stole this poem from another blog, which was from another blog, but I really, really like it:

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
"I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Sticking With You

If you haven't noticed I can relate a lot of my life to music, I listen to it often and connect to it. The lyrics by Addison Road in their hit song "Sticking With You" have described what I feel now and what I'm going to have to remind myself of when the going gets tough with our future adopted son or daughter. Children in Foster Care are there because of awful situations that are none of their fault, yet, kids always blame themselves and this can cause more issues. I've been doing some reading on FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and other drug-addicted symptoms that will play out in their small victims throughout the years, and it's terrible. Knowing that we will most likely be adopting a child that was abused prenatally at the very least it's going to be long and tough road, but in my heart I know it will be worth it. All children deserve a chance and a forever family that will truly love them. Nothing worth doing ever comes easily. And with God ALL things are possible. This song describes some of the feelings that will come up as a result of being adopted, being abused, etc. etc. I am fairly sure that's not what Addison Road is talking about in this song, but I can see it in every word and the overall message that these kids that have been moved from home to home need to hear is that someone is sticking by them.

"Come on, it's me you're talking to
There's something going on inside of you
Don't have to say it, but I wish you would
Cause it would be much easier
You always hide behind yourself
You walk a lonely road with no one's help
I hate to break the news
You're headed for a fall

And if I have to jump
Then I'll jump
And I won't look down
You can cry, you can fight, we can scream and shout
I'll push and pull
Until your walls come down
And you understand I'm gonna be around
I'm sticking with you (I'm stinking with you)

Even if you try and shut me out
I'm staying here cause that's what love's about
I might let you down, but I won't let you go
So lean into me, I want to know
Everything about the fear you hold inside
Cause you and I are better than just one,

So if I have to jump
Then I'll jump
And I won't look down
You can cry, you can fight, we can scream and shout
I'll push and pull
Until your walls come down
And you understand I'm gonna be around
I'm sticking with you.

If that's what it means to love you
If that's what it means to have your back
If that's what it takes to show you
Then I'm in, I'm in

If I have to jump
Then I'll jump
And I won't look down
You can cry, you can fight, we can scream and shout
I'll push and pull
Until your walls come down
And you understand I'm gonna be
Cuz I'm sticking with you"

Everytime I hear this song on the radio (WayFM.com) I sing it to my future adopted kid(s)!

A Small Word of Remembrance.

To all who know their babies won't live long:

Enjoy e-v-e-r-y second. EVERY kick. EVERY hiccup. EVERY bit of movement. Don't be afraid of what others think and don't be afraid to bring up the topic of your precious child just because it's common knowledge that they won't live long. It's a hard topic and people not directly involved (i.e. you and your husband/wife) will not want to talk about it. Because to them it may be an "it" and never more. But to you and God your "it" in utero is precious and created in His image and will always be, even if not on earth. Eternity is MUCH longer and you'll all be together then, even those people that didn't want to acknowledge the life you are holding inside you.

It may be uncomfortable at first but don't shy away from expressing the joy of what time you do have together, of the movements of life you are feeling, etc. with others. I have to believe that eventually they too will be glad to have known a little more of your precious son or daughter. I regret not talking more about our little Nathan for the sake of other's reactions. And am forever grateful to those that did ask about him constantly, acknowledging his presence on earth.

Coming this Christmas . . . .

Due to arrive on Christmas Eve: Baby #3!

Lil' Pirate (Big Brother named him/her) is a total surprise to us, obviously, we have felt called and led to pursue adoption through foster care. But we have decided to continue on with that road too! (scary but also very exciting) I am really hoping that we will be able to adopt a 12-24 month (possibly closer to 24 month old) child since having two within a year of each other has NEVER been a desire of mine. :) Unless of course they are more self-sufficient than newborns.


So I now have some heavy duty prayer requests for you Prayer Warriors:
1. That this new baby grows healthy in mind, body and soul, always!
2. That we will continue to have clear discernment of God's will for us regarding adoption.
3. That if adoption is still in God's plan for us at this time that things will speed up a bit in that area (i.e. paperwork, placement). If not, that He'll give us patience and peace.
4. That Jonah will have a close relationship always with his new sibling in utero, and if applicable his sibling waiting to be placed in our forever home.
5. That we would continue to be prepared for adopting: gaining wisdom and patience daily, becoming ready and informed on how to foster attachment, and anything we'll need to handle and deal in a Godly way with the baggage our adopted son/daughter might have.

Thanks in advance for praying these specific prayer requests for us!!!

Jonah: "Birdie eat worm? Okay, Jonah find worm."

Everyday Miracles

Psalm 139:13
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb."

Babies are miracles. Anyone who has ever had a baby or been close to those who have know this. Those who have read and understood God's Word know this. God individually creates each and every child. They are miracles sent to us each and every day. It's not hard to praise God and marvel at His works when we are in the presence of a newborn or delighting in a 1-year old's growing personality or laughing so hard we're crying at our 2-year old's antics.

But these miracles grow up. And sometimes I think it is hard for us to still picture them as God's handiwork, created in His image. I'm talking especially about the grown-ups around us. Those that just passed us on the freeway, those we ride the bus with, those that get behind us in line at Starbucks, those we brush past in the aisle at Barnes & Noble. I'm so in raising young children and hoping to have more babies mode I am completely ignorant of the grown-up miracles too often. I wonder how many divine appointments I've missed. Sometimes I see one open and look the other way. "I'm too busy right now Lord." "My son will get too anxious if I stop to talk." "I can't talk long enough to witness because it's Jonah's naptime."

I know my main ministry right now is raising Jonah to love the Lord the best I can. That's my primary ministry, I'm down-right sure of it. But that doesn't mean there are mini-ministries I can't be apart of.

Everyone has a story, a past, and I hope that many people have successes. Those that don't need the encouragement to seek after some success - from moving up the ladder to just quitting smoking. Why is it that as an adult I'm so quick to make judgements about the willingness of another person to change? Why do I sometimes think that people need to change? As if I have it down (I try to live to the best of my ability but the fact that I can even post this makes it obvious that I don't always do so.) Why do I see the way someone dresses or even walks and automatically assume I have their personal characteristics nailed down? Why can't I be more like a 3-year old who sees someone "different" and is instead curiously drawn to them rather than attempting to make a bee-line in the opposite direction?

Jesus was relational. We (I) need to be the same. Jesus didn't avoid people unlike himself, he welcomed them as if they were. And Jesus was WAY unlike everyone else - he was perfect. If anyone had the right to be snobbish towards others it would be him. Who am I to be the "better than thou" one? And with Jesus by my side who am I to back away from someone who might just need a smile? Or a friendly "hi?"

Ode to My Hubby

I just want to say how thankful I am and how blessed I am to have the man I do as my husband. I am amazed almost daily at his strength (both physical and spiritual), his ingenuity, his devotion to the Lord and to his family, his spirit, his compassion for others, his understanding for me (and my many faults), his selflessness. He is one of the most hard-working men I know. He can figure out how to do anything that needs to get done at home and for others. He'll put energy and thoughtfulness into everything he wants to get done, or needs to get done. I am so proud to have him as my husband and so blessed to have him taking care of me and my family. I am especially thankful to the Lord, who has blessed us with him and has given him the ability to do all that he does.

Burch,
I love you as my husband and father of our children and I respect you as a man and as head of our household. You're the best there is!